Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This Thing Called ... Motherhood

Man, am I exhausted.  And I haven't gone anywhere today.  All I want to do is lay around, watch tv, and eat snacks.  And get away from my children.  I know I should be interacting with them more, coloring pictures or doing fun activities.  But I have no ideas left.  And no more energy.  I don't know how other moms do it.  I'm letting the kids watch a lot of tv lately.  Mostly because I just can't deal with them all the time.  Everything seems so hard.   And they don't really appreciate anything.  Things I think will be fun and spend some time getting ready, the kids either complain about or like for about 30 seconds.  The next 10 minutes at least of my time is spent cleaning up the so-called fun activity.

Everything seems to be a struggle sometimes.  I end up just repeating myself and reprimanding the kids all day long.  Kate whines and cries at me constantly.  When I hear her coming, I am always tempted to just hide so I don't have to deal with it yet again.  And Will just keeps disobeying the rules.  We don't even have that many rules!  He continues to disobey one in particular this morning, requiring me to physically drag/carry him up two full flights of stairs, deposit him in his room, and hear him scream for 10 minutes.  Three times this morning I did that and he immediately goes back to disobeying that rule.  I am exhausted just from that alone and am beginning to wonder if I am capable of teaching my children anything at all.

Am I alone in this?  Parents don't really talk about it.  I love my children, I really do, but I just get so tired.  Are other mothers really creative and doing fun things with their children all the time?  This is how I picture them.  And in comparison I am a complete failure as a mother.  My kids know that I love them.  At least I've done that right, I think.  I feel like I give them a lot of attention - I mean, I do everything for them and am with them all day every day - but is it enough?  I still always feel like I am falling short.  It would be nice to know whether this is normal and whether other moms feel the same way.  I love my kids.  I'm just trying to be honest.

1 comment:

  1. This sounds like something I would have written, so NO, you are not alone in feeling inadequate, overwhelmed and exhausted. Many days I am lacking in creativity and patience and could use any of those adjectives to describe myself on any given day. (today it's exhausted). I attribute a lot of this to the fact that 'Em is Two', but I have a feeling once she is 3 and 4, I am still going to be struggling with this Motherhood stuff. It is hard, isn't it? --Heather

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